Angel

I have lost my phone and i usually call angel about every night. This week for the first 3 or two days i just forced my self to sleep, then i lost my fone so i had no choicen but to just sleep. I think i had a dream about talking to her o the phone? weird. IM SO WEIRD!


She has been sucha blessing to me, spiritually for the most. At first she didnt catch my eye, i really didnt like her at all. She was that girl who thought she could play music and i thought i was better. But after re encounter i sat with her on the bus and we talked. I got to know her more, i was open to her and i saw her. I was sitting right next to her. I got her number and started calling her from time to time. I enjoyed our talks and i enjoyed getting to know her.

Of course there were things going in my head, that i cant say here. but its just tough. i have done things for her that really raised my standards. I once sang in a quartet to serenade her for valentines day. Something i have never ever ever done before. I just do all these things for her and i could not stop thinking about her. She would answer questions about God for me and when i call she wouldnt even talk she would always listen.

i dunno whats up with me now but i dont think of her anymore. Not as much as i used to. For the same reasons that stopped me back then. I think it is because we are really different? i told her to wait for me, and i told her i think she should be my first. But i also told her that im sorry that i am like this. And i also told her to please understand. Im picky for a reason because i know what i want but i just cant explain it. Shes there everything that should be good in a person is there shes not like all the other kids in this generation shes out of this world. But theres things that make me iffy and i dont know if i want that iffyness in my life with someone.

I dont feel bad and i dont feel good. I am just thinking this through. I am attending intervarsity and yes there are girls, there are pretty girls but i havent got to know them so i cant say that i like them. I dont think i like anyone. again. =[ or maybe i am being analytical. im sorry im sorry imsorry. Im just confused and iffy. I dont think God talks about relationships or boyfriends or girlfriends, just wives. Weird ey? so what do they do? i dont know. This will pass by and i wont even remember this but i dont know, its like im forcing myself to think about her.



But on the good side, Me and God are becoming super buddies. And i know more about the bible and im elarning super faster than ive ever done. Teach me more than just your word God Speak to me, speak through me.